Tuesday, November 29, 2011

That's it...Done

Well, it's been quite a while since I started this blog. It was a place for me to vent for the most part to no body or any body that would listen. Most of the time it was to people that I wasn't personally connected to. Unfortunately that has changed and it seems now I no longer have the freedom to speak about whatever I want without it apparently affecting some people in my personal life.

My thoughts are that if I wanted these certain people to know what I type here, I'd tell them..plain and simple, and believe me the last thing I need is a bunch of text messages telling me I should be doing this or that and wanting to know details when that person isn't even a part of my life, just because someone else is.

Bottom line, I can't comfortably post whatever I want for fear of who might read it.

I realize I made this blog public, but believe me never thought I'd have to 'deal' with it on a personal level I guess. I could make it private, which is an option. If you are interested in still reading it , let me know and I think about making it private.

I'm sure we all have things we just want to say without worrying about it being misunderstood, or having someone we really don't want to read it, read it.

Sean was and still is my #1 sounding board, but with him now on the road, it makes it tough. The last thing I want to do is vent to him while he's driving in bad weather or in the US. It costs us so much to communicate while he's across the boarder, and this was my place to fill that void when he couldn't do it for me.

Anyway, I fear now I'm babbling...It's been fun..and like I said, if you are interested, I'll consider making it private for those that care

Until then

Keep Smilin'

Monday, November 28, 2011

So..I made the call..

assuming no news was good news only to be told they've put through a order for an MRI. Yeah OK, this just keeps getting better. Apparently there are still calcifications and she's ordered an MRI to rule out more cancer. Think positive, Think positive, Think positive...oh believe me I am, but with some of the stressors in my life right now It wouldn't surprise me one little bit if they found cancer. You can try to eliminate the stress in your life but it seems to find a way to creep back up and smack you in the face.

I'm thinking I need to sell our house and move to an island somewhere, but it'll be somewhere warm...so I can sit with my toes in the water and my ass in the sand, not a worry in the world with a cold beer in my hand LOL..what do you think??

Gotta get back to work..have a good one

Keep Smilin'

Sunday, November 27, 2011

Hello You, Me Again

My friend Sue passed away on Saturday afternoon. While I know it's better, she's no longer in pain and unfortunately her last few months were spent in quite a bit of pain , I'm sure she's the newest angel in heaven.


I must admit I lost faith ( although I've never been very religious) when I was diagnosed. I'm not sure if it was just self pity, but I thought that Sean and I had been through and survived more then most couples, so why were we being hit again? I'm thinking it was just so we could appreciate what we did have, which was each other. An online friend Michelle commented on my last post saying that someone once told her that if someone dies young, it's because his/her job here is done and God called them back. It makes perfect sense, but sure doesn't make it easier when it happens.


I'm not sure if I've mentioned this, but I re-joined Weight Watchers in July. I needed to be held accountable for my weight loss and so far it's been awesome. I've lost 20 lbs since July and a total of 30 so far ( I'd already lost 10 on my own before joining WW) I have at least 20 more to lose but I'm so pumped. Sean has promised me a trip south next winter if I can lose the weight I want to. I love this incentive...so believe me, it's going to happen!!!


Sean is loving his job driving truck. He'd love to be home during the week, that's the only part of the job he doesn't like, but for the most part, he does love the rest. It's not bothering his back too much, so we are both quite happy. We are hoping to be back on track with our bills after Christmas. We are still pretty far behind, but working on it and that's what matters.

Speaking of Christmas, it's not very far away...I've started my shopping. I know pretty much what I need to get for most of the people on my list (thank goodness my list is short!!! ) and plan on working on it in the next two weeks and get r' done!!


Anyway...spending the last night with Sean before he heads back out on the road, so I'll have to catch you all later


Remember, live every day like it's your last...no regrets!!





keep smilin'

Friday, November 25, 2011

no patience for waiting...

I went for my routine 6 month check up..had a mammogram on November 11th. I'm assuming if there was something wrong I would have heard by now, but seriously..I'm still a little worried. I think I'll have to call Monday to get the official word. Just need confirmation.

It's funny, I've had Sean around for 17 years...so I've never had to worry about getting anywhere on my own. Now that he's gone, I need to navigate to my appointments myself. The first one was the Barrie hospital...to most that would be a piece of cake but to me, who never paid any attention before, needed step by step directions on how to get there. Of course, Sean gave me the directions and I as fine. Now, I can go without help.

I did however have a bit of anxiety about navigating to Princess Margaret in Toronto. I have NEVER had to drive anywhere remotely close to Toronto. I used to work in Brampton and use to navigate around there pretty good, but still....you get 'lazy' when  you don't have to bother. I had amazing directions from a friend who has to go once a year and those directions took me exactly where I needed to go. I have went twice now and have it down pat. I even know how to get myself out of the city and to Bolton to a scrapbook store. It's an amazing little store www.onecrazystamper.com

The last few weeks have been a bit tough. I've been close friends with Peggy...she's actually my ex husbands aunt. We hit it off when I first met her. She stood up with my ex husband and I when we married and actually was my matron of honour when I married Sean. One of her daughters , Jennifer had her first diagnosis with cancer 12 years ago. Soooooo young. She fought it and beat it. She was clear for 10 years. In the 10 year, they found another tumor but it was small enough they were able to just go in and remove it. She was having her 6 month check ups when they found a few spots on her lungs and her liver. She fought a good fight but unfortunately didn't win the fight and passed away on November 11, 2011. She passed on 11-11-11 and was born on the 11th of a month..It was an emotional funeral. I was alone  ( I went with friends but not the same) as Sean was on the road. I really don't like seeing so many people I care about so sad.

I'm sure I've mentioned that I'm a volunteer with Victim Services. I took a leave from my duties when I got Cancer. One of the 'head' ladies Sue emailed me and said she wanted to keep in touch. She too was a cancer survivor , having battled two different diagnosis' of Lymphoma. We emailed back and forth a bit, keeping tabs on each other. She evenutally resigned from victim services but emailed me saying she wanted to stay in touch. I sent her an email in August, letting her know I was free and clear and her response was this " I'm so glad to here that. It's ironic that you would email me today, I was just diagnosed with bladder cancer" ..my heart sank. At first she wasn't going to fight it, as the diagnosis wasn't good..but after a couple weeks, she decided she was going to do her best to kick cancers ass AGAIN! A mutual friend has been keeping us updated as things went on. She went in for surgery , and came out without her bladder, urethra, uterus, ovaries, lymph glands and part of the vagina.  It's hard to even fathom that cancer could destroy so much of such a vibrant young woman. She was determined to fight. It's been stated that this cancer was likely caused by the chemo she had in 2002. Yes, even the treatments that save you, can kill you.

She's had a slow recovery, and even ended up with an intestinal blockage. She was admitted to Orangeville hospital and the humour in this is that the only private room they had was in the childrens ward. She ended up with the Disney Cars room. This suited Sue to a T....I'm sure it keeps you cheery if nothing else.

They worked with her to try and get the blockage fixed..but nothing worked.They finally decided they needed to operate to remove the blockage. They went in on Thursday the 24th. I received an email in the late evening saying that once they opened her up, they discovered her body was full of cancer. They couldn't do anything. It's been said before that sometimes once the oxygen hits cancer it's spreads like wildfire. Probably what happend with her first surgery. I seriously had a melt down last night...I"m a VERY strong person..but this just got to me. Sue is only in her 40's as well..it's just not fair. Explain to me that if there is a god, why are such good people being taken so young, when bad people die of old age??

The one thing that has been on my mind constantly is this " how many people do you know, that have had cancer, die of old age???? for me the answer is NONE..kinda makes ya wonder and makes me feel like I'm behind the 8 ball ALL THE TIME

I wish I could convince people in my life to live every day like it's their last. That's not a bad thing, but it does mean that you wake up every day with a smile, and face everything holding your head high ....it's what I try to do. Life's tough, but you only get once chance at making it the best it can be.

Sorry for such a long post, I sort of backed away from my blog...might try to post more often, we'll see


Keep Smilin'

Sunday, October 23, 2011

Wow, hard to believe

Three years ago this past Saturday, Sean fell coming off our roof and broke his back. Hard to believe it was 3 years ago!! So much has changed in the last 3 years..but like someone once said...if things change, let them..and embrace them!

I took last week off work and hitched a ride with Sean in his transport. It was AMAZING...I loved being with him , seeing him work. We left last Sunday afternoon and arrived back home at 10pm Friday night. Sean excels at everything he does, it never matters what it is, he is just amazing at everything he does. He's wanted to drive a truck for so long, and he's a natural at it. It's tough to be away from him all week, but seeing him so happy, somehow makes it easier. I do have a new appreciation for truck drivers though.

People get so pissed off at truck drivers. I saw Sean put his signal on to change lanes and the cars just ignored him. He had to switch lanes, so he did exactly that...then the guy in the car, sped up, cut in front of us and then hit his brakes. Seriously?? We are in 70ft of truck and trailer weighing over 60 000 lbs...and this guy is hitting his brakes literally right in front of us. I can't believe that people are this stupid to think a truck and trailer can stop on a dime. I was soo impressed when we were stopped at a light, and we had to make a tight left hand turn...and the guy that pulled up in the other lane actually stopped back far enough for us to turn without any issues. We waved and smiled...it was so nice to see someone with a brain!

REMEMBER...consider the truck driver, he's not going slow to piss you off, you have no idea how much weight he has in his trailer. If he could, he'd love to go from 0 to 90 km in a few seconds...but he can't..just think about the other person!!!

Last week we left on Sunday, and went to Parry Sound. We then went to Callander , then North Bay then to Timmins. (nope, didn't see Shania Twain, but I was looking ;) ) From Timmins we went back to North Bay, then over to Quebec for a load, then back to North Bay then down to Mississauga with the load. We then went to Whitby for our next load..a trailer full of LCBO...sweeeeeeeeeeet!! We had to take that load to Thunder Bay which is just over 16 hours north. We stopped in Port Sydney and slept..a truck driver in Canada can only drive for 13 hours at the most in a 24 hour day. We made it to Thunder Bay the next night and slept in the McKevitt yard. We then got our next load, I was hoping for a US run, but no such luck this week. We had to take our next load back to Mississauga. We took one way up to the bay, so we took the scenic route back to Mississauga. We stopped a few times for pictures and pee breaks...it was awesome. We drove approximately 4400 km's or 2800 miles.

On Thursday, it was Sean's 45th birthday. I do think I'm going to go with him every single year on his birthday. We stopped in Wawa on our way south from Thunder Bay. We wanted to grab a bite to eat and we found this little Inn, with a restaurant/bar. We parked across the road and went in. It was sooooo cool .It had a floor to ceiling fire place and it was soooo relaxed..the old style bar. A couple pool tables, country music on the radio..it was just awesome. When I mentioned Sean's birthday to the waitress...next thing I knew the entire staff (which was like 5 people) came out with a little piece of cake, some ice cream and a candle stuck in the middle...they sang happy birthday. And you know what made it the best???? Sean has told me a couple times that , that was one of the best birthdays he's ever had!! 

Sean left again today at about 4pm...it never gets easier. I miss him so much, I don't have the words to even explain. I do believe that it's a special kind of love that after 17 years makes my heart ache when he's gone.

I'm heading to Toronto on Wednesday for my 6 month check up. I'm sure surgeon will be happy. Since January, I've lost 30 lbs...I know..wicked eh!!! I still have approx 30 lbs to go to be at my ideal weight...and I'm so pumped to get there. It feels so good to have loose clothing. I actually put a fleece top on yesterday and looked in the mirror. It looked huge...so I took it off...crazy, but it looked terrible because it was so big. I'm so happy...I can't wait to be back to the weight I should be.

Anyhow..must run..sorry it's taken so long to update my blog. For any of you still reading, I appreciate it....

Keep Smilin'

Wednesday, September 21, 2011

Monkey always on your back.......

I spoke with my father - in -law a while back and he said this damn cancer would always be a monkey on my back. I sort of fluffed it off..thinking...I'll be damned if I let it consume me. Now I'm thinking you don't have a choice.....

It's the first thing you think of when you wake up and the last thing you think of when you go to sleep at night.


Here is my soul, recharged
This girl, she..
has been dissected, ripped and turned into a disaster
This girl, she..has filled her veins with poison in the name of health
This girl, she...
is endlessly reminded of death due to the scars near her hear
This girl, she...
finds dizzying comfort in a dinner plate.
This girl, she...
says thanks for the dark times--
leaving room for the light.
This girl, she...
thirsts to recognize the girl in the mirror.
This girl, she wants to be whole again.
This girl, she tries not to escape grace.
This girl, grateful for every day that she wakes up , and can face life head on.


Never underestimate the power of your soul xoxoxoxo

Keep Smilin'



~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



 

Friday, September 16, 2011

We Did It!!!

We walked 60 kms last weekend for the Weekend To End All Women's Cancers!!
This is Nicole and I at the finish line.
It was tough, I found muscles I don't think have ever been used, but so what....it was for a great cause and well worth a few sore muscles. We even signed up for next year!!!!
Next year is the 10th anniversary for this walk so we want to raise at least $10 000!!!

I made my appointment today for my 6 month check up. Now the fun begins, because now with Sean driving a truck and my appointments are on Wednesday's..he won't be able to drive me. Pretty sure I'm going to give it a whirl on my own !!!!! Downtown Toronto...this should be good for a laugh LOL. I have until October 26th to figure it out..I'll be good..can't stay lost forever right LOL

Here's something to think about....

Old age is like a bank account. You withdraw from what you've put in. So, my advice to you would be to deposit a lo of happiness in the bank account of memories. Thank You for y our part in filling my memory bank. I am still depositing. Remember the 5 simple rules to be happy:
1. Free your heart from hatred
2. Free your mind from worries
3. Live Simply
4. Give more
5. Expect less.


Keep Smilin' :)

Tuesday, September 6, 2011

Things That Make You Go Hmmmm

So...last week Sean did his orientation with the company he's working for . It went from Monday to Thursday. On Thursday Reece went to her orientation for high school. Check this out...

Sean and Reece--> Finish orientation on Thursday
Sean is given his truck --> #363
Reece pics her locker---> #636
Reece's locker is the same colour blue as the numbers on Sean's truck.

Sometimes you just wonder if things were just really meant to happen a certain way!

This weekend is the Weekend To End Women's Cancers in Toronto. It's the walk my girlfriend and I signed up to do. We are walking 60km's and had to raise $2000 each. We are both a wee bit short, but I've both faith that we'll have the money. We sleep in tents Saturday night and apparently the closing ceremonies are amazing. We went to a 'step in' meeting, which basically just outlined the weekend a couple of months back in Barrie. The lady told us of a man the year before, that at the opening ceremonies, he stood there with a pair of running shoes on a tray. He explained that his wife had done this walk the year before, but was no longer with him, as she lost her battle, so he was walking for her, and taking her shoes with him. OMG, the tears started. I can just imagine what'll happen when we are there.

ALSO a fun little tidbit..JOHNNY RIED..
yes the actual JOHNNY RIED has a team in the walk and is walking himself. HOW COOL IS THAT!!

So, that's it for now, this week is all about getting ready for the weekend.

have a good one and

KEEP SMILIN'

Sunday, August 28, 2011

Nope, not getting easier

This week is week 3 of Sean being away from home a lot. I just dropped him off at the airport because he's being flown to Thunder Bay where he'll do a few days of orientation then he'll be given his own truck to drive. I knew I would miss him, but never dreamed how hard this really is. I cried when I said good bye at the airport...I cried half way home. All I can say is , never take anything or anyone for granted. Make the best of each and every day because someday things might change and you'll really miss what you once had!



Keep Smilin'

Tuesday, August 23, 2011

Lots Of Changes Happening!!


Sean is finally living one of his dreams. On August 15th, he started working for McKevitt Trucking out of Thunder Bay. He's training with a friend of ours that works there for two weeks, then he'll be given his own truck. It'll look something like the one in this picture.


So, what does this mean for Reece & I? Well...it's going to take some getting used to. I've seen Sean just about every single day for over 17 years. So, now to not see him at all for 5+ days at a time is tough. Reece has also had her dad every day of her life. Sean hasn't worked since October 2008 when he hurt his back so we were quite spoiled.


We'll be fine, that I have no doubt..it's just an entirely new routine for all of us. I do think it'll be good for Reece and I to spend more time with each other , just the two of us.


We need to get Reece her passport so she can go with her dad on Christmas break and during the summer. He's long haul so most likely every week he'll end up in the states somewhere. It'll be fun for her to see some of the world. I know for me, I'm really looking forward to going with him!


Me, I'm doing good. I have my routine echo cardiogram tomorrow, but other then that I think the fatique is slowly subsiding and life is once again 'normal' . It'll be different for me to drive to my appointments, Sean always drove..EVERYWHERE so this is another new thing, for me to learn to navigate places I've never had to navigate to before.


I'm sure I'll get back to blogging again too. I was away from the computer for a while , knowing Sean would be leaving I've been spending as much time as I could with him so the computer took a back seat.


Hard to believe summer is almost over. In just two weeks my baby girl starts high school. She's excited and nervous but I just keep telling her she'll do fine.


Gotta run, I'm at work and really should be 'working' lol



Keep smiln'


Monday, August 1, 2011

Wow, It's August already!!!

August also means I'm the Guest designer at




I was thrilled when Christa asked me to design with the kit this month!!!!


Go check Scrap~tures out, the kits are awesome, and Christa is a sweetheart too!!



I also just got a phone call from my mom, telling me my sister had her baby girl this morning. She was 7lbs 1oz but they haven't chosen a name yet.


This Christmas is going to be so much fun with two babies!


Sean and I have been really busy lately. Partially because we are going to Oshawa more and more to visit with his grandma. That takes an entire day, between travelling there then the visit. She's doing pretty good though. 90 years old and still living in her own house!



Well, that's it for today. It's a holiday Monday , so I've had a nice LONG weekend and I want to go and enjoy it a little more.


Keep Smilin'

Wednesday, July 13, 2011

Happy Anniversary

Today is my one year anniversary for cancer survivorship. I'm just in awe of how the last year has went. I'm so lucky that I've had the amazing support of my husband and family.


I'm also lucky to be able to have had the support of some amazing friends. There are only a few that were there no matter what and for that I thank them from the bottom of my heart.


Cancer is so limited...

It cannot cripple love.

It cannot shatter hope.

It cannot corrode faith.

It cannot eat away peace.

It cannot destroy confidence.

It cannot kill friendship.

It cannot shut out memories.

It cannot silence courage.

It cannot reduce eternal life.

It cannot quench the Spirit.





Here's to 50 more AMAZING years!!

Keep Smilin'


Saturday, July 9, 2011

This is simply adorable


Krystal changed her Facebook picture to this one today and it just made my heart melt.


The grin on both of their faces is simply priceless.


I just had to share. I can't wait to get pictures printed, hopefully next week and get scrappin some layouts of this adorable little boy!!





Keep Smilin'

Thursday, July 7, 2011

Where does the time go..

It's been a while, but in all fairness I've tried to sign in here and was having issues with validating my hotmail account. Gotta love technology.


Since my last post, Lots has transpired. I've seen my grandson a few times, and he just gets cuter every single day. We are actually going again tomorrow for a quick visit to drop some clothes off for Noah.



Reece has graduated grade 8 with 9 years of perfect attendance. Her dad and I are so proud, I can hardly find the words to explain it. Her grade 7 teacher made the presentation at grad and when we spoke to him afterward, he said he jumped at the chance to do it.



This was kept a secret from Reece, so when Mr Barron started talking Sean and I were grinning from ear to ear knowing what was about to happen. He said in the 11 years he's been teaching no student has ever done what this student did. The kids started to look at Reece , I guess they had a feeling. Then he said that this student has never missed one single day of school since kindergarten...well the parents in the crowd were amazed. Reece knew then it was her he was talking about. He then called her name and we were so happy for her. It's a huge accomplishment! She still says she's going right to grade 12 without missing one single class!.


Another surprise was that Krystal and Noah came to see her graduate. She had no idea they were coming either so it was an awesome surprise!!




We also went camping on the long weekend with two other couples. It was fun and relaxing. We never really do much except sit around chatting, but that was nice. We missed out on camping last year because of my fight with Cancer so getting to go once again was great!!



Our trailer needs some floor repairs, so Sean is going to work on that and I think we plan on selling it. I actually think I know someone that might be interested in it as well, so even better!!



We are off this weekend to visit a bunch of gals in St. Catharines. Christa , Shannon and Chelle and their families. It'll be fun and I'm sure a bunch of laughs! Christa took over


Scrap~tures



on July 1st. Check it out, her kits are absolutely amazing and reasonably priced too!! I'm sure there will be tons of laughs so we are really looking forward to it.



One last update...I joined Weight Watchers FINALLY this past Tuesday. I've been talking about it for months butn ever seemed to have the money. Well I figured if I worked 2 extra hours on the day of the meetings, it would cover my fees and then some. Perfect..time to get my skinny on. I'm so pumped!!!





Alrighty, gotta run. Big Brother is starting soon.



Keep Smilin'




Wednesday, June 8, 2011

Rampin up!!!

Busy is an understatement...but it's all good. I've been spending some much needed quality time with Sean.....and all I can say is that I've missed it. I've devoted a lot of time to other projects over the last year, mostly to keep myself pre-occupied during my 'cancer life' but now that's over...and it's time to start living!!


I had a birthday on June 2..I turned 43..wow....I'm old..well, maybe not ;) I received a beautiful card in the mail from my friend Christa and two bouquets of flowers from both Dayle and Nicole! Sean and I also celebrated our 13th anniversary on the 6th of June. This is going to sound corny, or maybe even sappy but I still get the butterflies in my tummy like the day I met him, and the day I married him. I swear we get closer each and every single day!



Reece is graduation grade 8 this year, in just 3 weeks. Where have all the years gone?? I'm extremely proud of this girl, she's sooooo amazing. I'm hoping I can get through the graduation ceremony without crying!!

This past Sunday we had a baby shower for my precious grandson.

This is his mom...he's so adorable!!


and here we are...4 generations.



he's such a good baby!!! I'm a very proud grandma, I think my daughter will be an amazing mom!!


and last but not least...what the title of this post means..RAMPIN' UP!


Nicole ( my bestie that is doing the cancer walk with me) and I have ramped up our training. We now walk almost 10 k 3 times a week. We went to a 'step in' clinic to learn how to train properly and the girl told us, that if we could do 20 km's one day, then get up and do 20 the next day we'd be good to go. We both feel so amazing after doing these walks. It feels so good to get out and exercise. I for one never thought I could do something like this, but it's amazing where you find your inspiration from.


OK, I'm done for now. Reece and I are watching the CMT Music Awards...


have a great week!!!


Keep Smilin'






Monday, May 23, 2011

Here He Is!!!!!

How adorable is he??? Yes, i'm biased but hey...how can I help it. I'm still getting used to the whole 'grandma' think but I'm sure in no time it'll be 'old hat'






This is Krystal and Jeremy..the proud mommy and daddy!!


I can't wait until I can get some more pictures. I do think this little guy is going to be the subjec to many scrapbook pages!!


Keep Smiln'





Saturday, May 21, 2011

I'm officially a grandmother :)

Noah Gerardo arrived on Thursday, May 19th at 3:09pm. He weighed 8lbs 15.5 oz's and was 21 inches long. Krystal was only in labour for 6 hours...so it wasn't too bad. Both mom and baby are healthy. Noah is jaundiced though, so they've had to stay in the hospital longer unfortunately.


I posted pics on Facebook, but haven't uploaded them to my computer yet but I will soon.

He's so adorable, and yes you probably think I'm biased and that's ok :)


May so far has been an amazing month. Here is everything that has happened or will happen in May


1. I was given the official word that I'm cancer free

2. Sean passed his training course for his 'A' licence

3. My daughter Krystal had her first baby , and made me a very proud grandma (even though I still think I'm way too young to be one ;) )

4. My daughter Reece will turn 14 on the 24th of May


It's been a struggle for the last few years with everything that's happened in our lives, but it looks like we might have finally turned the corner. Financially things are still pretty bad, and will be until Sean finds work...but hopefully that'll happen sooner rather then later. I'm not looking forward to him being 'out on the road' but we are both looking forward to being independent again and paying off our bills!


Today we are headed over to some friends, only about a 7 minute drive away. We have our trailers all set up there, and plan to spend the night because we do plan on having a few drinks. Reece has a friend over so they'll have fun too!.


Tomorrow we are heading to Canada's Wonderland to drop Reece and her friend off. It's where she wanted to go for her birthday. I think Sean and I will go visit his grandma in Oshawa while the girls are having fun. I want to go visit Krystal too and see my new grandson ;)


Well I'm off, need to shower and get ready to go. Have a safe and happy holiday weekend to all those celebrating!!!


Keep Smilin'

Wednesday, May 18, 2011

Won't Be Long Now

Krystal was at the docs today, she's already 2cm dialated. Doc told her he'd be surprised if she goes another 24 hours!!!..I'm so excited :)


Sean passed his test today, so he's a full fledged truck driver. Now, to just find a job LOL...but I'm sure that'll come!


Nothing else really happening, watching American Idol so I'm off...just thought I'd update life!!


Keep Smilin'

Monday, May 16, 2011

Still Waiting!!

Yesterday was Krystal's due date, and still no baby. Although it's fairly normal for a first pregnancy to go over the due date. I remember being exactly where she is. I was 5 days over due with her..and each day that nothing happens is frustrating but something most mothers know all too well! We are all waiting (as patiently as possible I might add) for that phone call!!


The last 6 weeks have flown by. Sean drives his 'A' this Wednesday then he'll be a full fledged truck driver. Then we need to find him a job driving so we can finally get on with our lives!!!!


Nothing much else is going on right now. I've created a few layouts, but other then that it's been quiet. I'm sure once Sean starts working I'll scrap more, but for right now I'm enjoying the time we have together. If he ends up long haul , it'll be tough for a while until we get used to it. We've seen each other pretty much every single day for 17 years...so having him gone will be an adjustment. But like they say, absence makes the heart grow fonder and I'm sure we'll make the best of the situation. We always do!!


Well, I'm gone....Watching Dancing With The Stars with the family..


have a great night!!!


Keep Smilin' ;)

Friday, May 13, 2011

I'm so honoured, and completely humbled...

Last night, Reece had a soccer practice. Sean and I had some running around to do, so we did it. The coach had told me the girls were getting their uniforms last night too. We arrived back at the practice with a few minutes to spare, and as soon as the coach saw us, he came over carrying the jersey's, one each of the home and away...the home is orange and the away jersey is white.


On the top left corner there is a pink breast cancer ribbon. I asked the coach if this was because of me. He said that the club found out about me, and went ahead and did this. They also donated $2500 to breast cancer research here in Ontario.


I'll take pics when I can , but I'll tell ya, It brought a tear to my eyes last night. I'm amazed all the time when the generosity of people I would never have thought about comes to light.


Someday with any kind of luck at all..this disease will be history..


we can only hope xoxo

Wednesday, May 11, 2011

2011 : A Great Year!

Thanks to my friend Christa who reminded me that


Dr. Seuss said it best ::


Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.”


2011 has so far proven to be a year for change and so far, it's all been amazing.



This year, Sean and I will become grandparents. We are sooooo excited!!! Krystal is due in just 4 more days!!
My grandson is in there!!!!!!!The hand on the right is Krystal's, the one on the left is Jeremy's.



What an perfect picture!!


This year, Sean will start a new career, one he's been wanting to do for over 20 years. Maybe falling off the roof was actually a blessing in disguise, they say those do exist!






This year, Reece will finish her elementary school career with 9 years of perfect attendance. Her dad and I couldn't be more proud. She told us at the age of 6 when she came home after her final day of kindergarten that she was going to do this until grade 12. Just 4 more years to go.





I have debated over the last few days on whether or not to continue with my blog. This was my place to say what I want, when I want , however I want. Unfortunately there have been a couple instances where people have assumed I'm speaking about them, and instead of simply asking me , they've taken it upon themselves to be confrontational with me.


This is one of the things that has been said to me


"If you are putting your feelings out there for the world to see, you should accept people's reactions to it, good or bad"



I disagree. Unless I specifically say a person's name, no one should just assume it's about them until they ask. I am not doing this for people's opinions.


It's funny...another friend said I shouldn't let 'one bad apple' stop me from blogging. How true!!


I started this blog to be able to type out whatever I wanted, to get my feelings out there. I can type much faster then I can write, which is why I chose to do it this way.


I will say that my life has changed a lot since December of 2009 when I discovered I had cancer. I knew right there and then that I was going to fight with whatever means I had to make sure I was here for my family. This year has so far given us some great things, but we have also lost some family members with others in a fragile state.


Sean has lost both a grandfather and grandmother and an uncle in a span of 2 months. He only has one grandmother left. We've spent a lot of time running back and forth to her house , which unfortunately is 2 hours away from where we live. It's time consuming and tiring but it's something we all do for family.


I will continue to blog, and all that I ask is that if you read something, and think there is a chance it's about you, please feel free to ask. I'll be honest..I have no reason not to be. I do however ask that you don't jump down my throat until you do know the truth. I also want to thank those that continue to read my entires and follow me :) I appreciate you all more then you'll ever know!


Onward and upward for 2011 and beyond...and like Dr. Suess said



“Today you are You, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is Youer than You.”


Thursday, May 5, 2011

So There You Have It...

April 6th, I went to Mount Sinai for my first mammogram since radiation. It's been 6 months since radiation and while I've lived every day as normal as possible, and it's hard to explain exactly how I've felt...the easiest way to describe it is this....Without a doubt at least 25 times a day, I would think about if they 'got it all' with surgery and treatment. I'd like to say I had an 'instinct' and the knew I was all 'good' but until you get those results, you never really know.


Every time I look at Reece, I couldn't help but think' will I be here when she gets married'? It's amazing and scary at the things you think about once you are given that diagnosis. I have talked at great lengths with Sean about this, and as much as he's tried to convince me that I'll be here, you just never know.


When some people found out I had breast cancer, some of the reactions where 'Oh, well if you had to get cancer, that's the best one to get, it's the easiest to beat'.

I volunteered at a hockey tournament a few weeks ago, for a girl I went to school with. She was diagnosed with breast cancer, and 18 months later , she was gone. She was a year younger then I, and was only 39 when she passed away. Funny, I guess sometimes when people don't know what to say, they stay stupid things.


Back to the follow up mammogram. Sean and I headed to Toronto..with nothing but positive thoughts in our heads. Did the mammogram, had to wait 2 hours for the appointment so we went for lunch. I already knew something was up...when the technician did the mammogram, because I was seeing the surgeon that day for the results she said she wanted to make sure she had lots of 'good pictures' so it wouldn't have to be repeated. I waited after the initial mammogram, only to be told the radiologist looked at them and they saw something, so he wants more pictures to be sure. Here we go again. Squish, squish squish....more pictures.

The technician I think screwed up , because she said the radiologist mentioned a biopsy because he saw 'areas of concern' but it was ultimately up the surgeon.

I knew a biopsy was in my future. Once you have had the interaction with as many doctors and radiologists as I have, you begin to know who makes what decision. I knew that the doctors rely on the radiologists to tell them what they think is the next step. It's their job. I knew once we met with Dr. Easson, she's say I should have a biopsy.


We meet with Dr. Easson..and sure enough...she wants a biopsy.

My first biopsy when I found the lump was done by ultrasound. Basically what that means is a technician does an ultrasound on my breast while the radiologist takes samples from the lump. This method can only be done if the lump is large enough to be seen through ultrasound.


This time the 'areas of concern' were too small to be seen using ultrasound (bonus for me I guess!!) so it had to be done using mammogram. This is called a Stereotactic Mammogram and Core Biopsy. Dr Easson said they'd call with an appointment for the biopsy. So we leave the hospital. I cried, I didn't want to cry..but I did. I decided a long time ago that crying admitted Cancer was beating me and damn it , that wasn't going to happen. I'm an emotional person to begin with ( this might shock a few people ;) ) but I am. I wear my heart on my sleeve when I'm not being a tough bitch! I wasn't crying because there was a possibility that I still had cancer, I was crying because I was disappointed. I had it in my head that I was cured..completely...there were no if , ands or buts about it. I was cancer free. That's what every cancer patient wants to hear with there first post treatment check up...so when I didn't hear that...I guess the only way to describe it was...my balloon was deflated.


I received the phone call that my biopsy was scheduled for April 26. Now I'm scared...I mean even the toughest of people can get scared every now and then so cut me some slack ;)


I can't even explain the feeling of waiting to be called. I know the test is going to be uncomfortable...but I had no idea.

The first biopsy I was LUCKY enough to have Sean by my side. It was a small town hospital so I guess that one of the luxuries.

This time, I was alone. I was called, it was my turn. I walked down the corridor to the room. I followed the technician which by the way was an absolute sweetheart. They all are! After we get into the room, the radiologist 'fellow' came in with an 'observer' which was a male. The technician and the fellow were both women. NOW, don't get me wrong, I've literally shown my boob to at least 20 different doctors, technicians, oncologists, radiation oncologists...you name it, it's been done. BUT , this guy that was to be the observer because this procedure isn't don't often...made me uncomfortable...his look, he wouldn't look at me at all. He stared at the floor...he was just weird. Believe me, It makes no difference male or female..unless I'm uncomfortable...I mean to be honest , a boob is a boob but I'm a firm believer that if it's your body, you have every right to always be comfortable with whomever you choose to show it too, regardless of the situation!


I had to lay on a stretcher on my side and position myself close enough to the mammogram machine to be 'squished' enough for the test. Once I was 'clamped' into place, I was given 3 needles of freezing per site, for which there were two sites. I was literally clamped into the machine for 1 1/2 hours, 45 minutes per site with maybe a 5 minute break in between. I was 'attached' to the machine , by what I can only describe as ' Jesus nailed to the cross'. I had a tube inserted into the cut they put into my breast , then the instrument was inserted into it, that removed the tissue to be tested. I seriously could not move for fear of ripping my breast. Have you ever tried to lay in the same spot for 45 minutes?

Finally they said they had enough tissue to test...blood was everywhere...I was numb and sore...but it was done. I walked out to Sean who was patiently waiting in the waiting room. He asked me if I was ok, I said no, but lets go...I want to go home.

Again, a waiting game.


I only told two of my bestest friends that I was going for this biopsy. You sort of get a feel for who is 'in your corner' and who isn't and who you want to confide in and who you don't.


We went to Dayle's place last weekend. She asked me how I was, and I told her...it was the worst hour and a half of my life...and all she did was HUG me...it was exactly what I needed. Tis true what they say...you do find out who your friends are, and who really does care :)


I have my appointment for my results May 11th


Which brings me back to today (It was a long time getting here, and if you are still reading, I am forever grateful)


Today was my last treatment. Most people think cancer consists of chemo and radiation. There are many other treatments that take a lot of time to complete. It's funny though...once you are done the initial treatments, people stop asking...they stop worrying, or stop caring..who knows.


Anyway, I was a Herceptin patient. That's 40K per patient...basically it's an antibody that I don't normally have, but now that my treatments are done, there is a guarantee that the cancer won't come back by 50%.


Sean and I got home at 5:30, we had to leave again at 6pm for Reece's soccer. As I'm making toasted western sandwiches for supper, the phone rings...Reece says 'it's probably the hospital'..then she walks over and gives me the phone.....


It was Dr. Easson...my surgeon.


I was in the middle of cooking dinner, Reece handed me the phone...When I answered..this is what I heard..............................






Teresa, It's Dr. Easson...I have your results. The tests all came back benign.


I said'"Does that mean it's good" ...Yes, I was a little in shock that she's was on the phone...big time doctors don't make phone calls.

She said " yes, there is no cancer, you are cancer free. It was only scar tissue. I'm so happy with this outcome" OMG...My response.." I LOVE YOU" ..YOU JUST MADE MY DAY" " I JUST HAD MY LAST TREATMENT...YOU HAVE JUST MADE MY LIFE"


SO, There You Have It...


I'm a survivor <3



Monday, April 25, 2011

Another 5K down...

Damn, it feels good. Never thought I'd see the day that exercise felt good. I actually look forward to it. Nicole was away on the weekend, so we didn't get to walk (Yes, I could have done it alone...but it isn't near as much fun LOL )


I'm up to I think $300 in donations for the walk...how cool is that!!


Had Easter dinner with my family on Friday...turned out pretty good.


Sean started week 3 of his course. It's going awesome, he's passing his tests at 100% which is even cooler. I'm so freakin proud of him! Today he actually got to drive a big rig around Barrie...oh man he was like a kid in the candy store when he got home. He's so excited and it's so awesome to see that sparkle in his eyes again :)


3 more weeks until my grandson is born....and I'm getting very excited!!


Anyhoot...must run...Mike & Molly is on...and I'm in need of a good laugh!


Have a great night

Wednesday, April 20, 2011

aaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

I have so much I want to say here, but I can't :( unfortunately I no longer feel that this is a place that I can 'freely' talk about whatever I want.

I might have to go back to hand writing in a journal. I do type a heck of a lot faster then I write though, which is why this sucks so much.


WHY OH WHY can't blogger have a blocking feature :(


Friday, April 15, 2011

Scrap~tures April Blog Hop!!!

Welcome to Scrap~tures Retro Road Trip blog hop!! Thanks so much for joining us! We are very excited show you some scrappy projects from the ‘past’ and hope that you gain lots of inspiration and continue to hop with us!! If you just happened by this blog and didn't realize a blog hop was taking place, please go back to Scrap~tures and start the Hop. You won't want to miss all the inspiration from our team....... or the chance to win a Rak :-)

Here is one of my very first layouts. It's 8 1/2 x 11 because that's the size I started out scrapping.

It's very simple, and can you believe...not one flower!!!

What was I thinking!!! I love the simplicity of this layout, it's very straight to the point. The photo itself is one of my very favorites :)

This blog hop will run from today, April15th – April 17th.


We will be drawing for winner on April 18th. Follow along in our blog hop! Your next stop is back at Scrap~tures


Make sure you have left a comment on every single blog in the hop to be eligible for the prize!!!

Sunday, April 10, 2011

The Training Has Begun!!

Today was the first day of my friend Nicole's and my training for the cancer walk. We want to do the two day walk, which is 60 km's. It sounds like a HUGE undertaking, but we are so pumped to do it.

Went to a seminar yesterday, watched a video that made us cry and we were given a pink 'carry all' bag with the logo for the 'Weekend To End All Women's Cancers' on it.


The closing ceremonies are supposed to be something to see...so we are pretty sure we are going to sign up for the two day walk.


People never really think of the cost involved in treating someone for a disease like cancer...but here's what I know so far.....


Each chemo costs approximately $3000. I had a total 12 chemo medicines. I'm also Her2 positive which means I'm on Herceptin...which is at a cost of $40 000 per patient. I have no idea what each radiation costs, but I had 22 of them, as well as surgery. I was also given a shot after each chemo to boost my white blood cells at a cost of $2500 each.

DO THE MATH...it's insanely expensive. Why do the drugs cost so much..the research that goes into developing them, getting them approved..but I tell ya, I'll be forever grateful for everyone involved! The researchers, the nurses, the doctors, the surgeons, the oncologists....before this happened to me, I never realized what was involved. So if I can do a little bit in helping to raise money so someone else can beat this terrible disease, then that's what I'll do!!!


SO, today being day one of actual training, we did a 5K walk...it was AWESOME!! I feel great and on top of getting some much needed exercise, I'll be losing weight too!!!


Gotta run, bath is ready!!!

Wednesday, March 30, 2011

I feel good.......

and I knew that I would...da da da da da!


Don't ask, I have no idea...but for some reason I feel we have some hope.

We have decided to quit worrying about insurance companies...at least for the time being.No one can make our situtation better but us, so that's exactly what we are going to do!

Sean is going to persue a career...and with any luck, it'll work out. He's nervous, so am I...but in all reality disability payments wouldn't pay us a lot of money....and we both want more out of life. He's actually been able to quit taking his meds, they weren't helping with the pain and were just screwing more things up. He does feel a difference, but not yet to the point he can't handle it.


We have plans to fix up our house..then sell once Reece is done high school. We want things , trips, etc...and that isn't going to happen sitting on a disability pension.


If we find he can't work, then yes, we'll go after Sunlife with lawyers and lawsuits...but if it does work out then yay for us!!!!


I did our tax return and that will definitely help pay a few bills...which is awesome!!


Less then 2 months until I'm a grandma..wow, that still sounds wierd. Once again my daughter isn't speaking to us...but with any luck I'll still have a part in the childs life to some extent. Unfortunetly I have a feeling the drama won't stop once the baby starts to grow up. Although I won't allow it to happen with us, I do feel the 'other side' will make it a huge competition which is sad. Either way...I'm excited.


SO, there ya have it....2011 is going to be a GREAT YEAR!!!!!


Keep Smilin'

Wednesday, March 23, 2011

So there you have it....

Once again the insurance company has said no to keeping the claim active. Their reason...our doctor stated that Sean is better off active and could likely do something with re-training. Unfortunately, it's not up to the insurnace company to re-train him. Thanks doc, for being on our side....Sean had no intention of 'sitting on his ass' for the rest of his life, but he would have liked some time to figure out what it was he could do.
We went today to see the phsiatrist (a pain management specialist) and was told his pain is caused by the muscles that need to support his spine and the best way to fix it is swimming 3 times a week. They could also do nerve injections to numb it while he does these exercises if he'd like. OK, so now we have to join a program somewhere to be able to fix Sean's back in order for him to work, but if he doesn't work now, we can't afford to join anywhere. Nice eh!
We are tired of fighting for something we deserve when it seems like there isn't a hope in hell of it ever happening. It's so frustrating when I see people that have NO issues at all, and are screwing the system and getting away with it. Makes no sense.
So, enough whining and hoping that things will turn out the way they should. Time to take care of ourselves again. Sean has a high pain tolerance...so he's going to find work to support us, and hopefully so we don't lose our house. I guess if he can't do it, he can't and we'll go from there. The next step if working doesn't work, will be to get a lawyer and start proceedings against the insurance company.
Now all we need is some 'find a good paying job soon' vibes...as we are out of time and the mortgage company isn't very compassionate!
Keep Smilin'

Sunday, March 20, 2011

When does it get easier?

We dropped Maya off at her new home a couple of hours ago. Reece and I cried all the way home. I doubt we'll ever get another animal, it's just too tough on our family.
So, I just decided to look at my Facebook, when all of a sudden I get a notification saying my account has been disabled. WTF...and for what reason is what I'd like to know.
This day just keeps getting better :(

Saturday, March 19, 2011

I officially suck as a parent

This is our dog Maya...and tomorrow, we'll be giving her to a very good friend of ours.
We've been debating for over a year, on whether we should find a home for her that would give her lots of room to run be 'free'. At our house she needs to be tied up and can't run and have fun.
It's been a tough decision, one that we are all shedding tears about today. Our friend and her son came to see her and fell in love with her. I asked for another day with her, so we could all come to terms with our decision. We know this is better for her, as they have 100 acres of farm land, and she'll get all the room to run and play that she wants.
Reece is having a really hard time with it, and seeing her heart broken is breaking my continually.
We've had Maya since February 9th, 2009..so she is part of our family. We just can't see having to leave her attached to a chain for the rest of her life..it just seems so unfair :(


The one good thing is that the people that are taking her only live about 20 minutes from us. We can go see her whenever we want. I'll be able to keep tabs on her, and make sure she's ok. It doesn't make it slightly easier then just giving her to strangers. I know these people will take care of her and give her as much love as we have.
It's a sad day in our house :( so I don't think today I'm going to say Keep Smiln' because if I can't, I can't expect anyone else to :(

Friday, March 18, 2011

Yah, it's Friday!!

Not that that means a whole lot, but it's my day off...for now anyway.
We did receive a letter from the insurance company this week, that our case has gone to the appeals division. Hopefully someone there has a brain in their head...but we'll know soon enough!
Sean is actually thinking about getting his licence to drive transport trucks. Driving isn't as big of an issue as long as what he's driving is comfortable, and like most men, he'll do whatever it takes to look after his family. We aren't sure if it's something he'll even be able to do, but it's something he's thinking about.
I'm registering for the Walk To End All Women's Cancers' this weekend too! I've started 'training' ...which will be good for me. One of my very bestest friends has committed to walking with me! How cool is that. Sean joked saying we'd walk the 32 km's and not even notice because we'd be talking so much hahahahahaha!!
Anyone wanna walk with us??? You are all more then welcome!
Nothing else really going on...next week is a busy week. I have my echo cardiogram scheduled for Monday, Sean has an appointment Wednesday in Barrie with the Phsiatrist (not sure if that's how it's spelled) and then I have a doc appointment Thursday , and if the echo results are good, I'll have a treatment that day too! ONLY 3 MORE TO GO!!
We're off, have a great day!
Keep Smilin'

Tuesday, March 1, 2011

So, we are giving it one more try....

well, maybe not one more, but one more right now...We went to see Sean's doctor last week, and explained our situtation to him..although we shouldn't have had to. He agreed to send a detailed letter to the insurance company explaining exactly how Sean is , and how restricted he is with his pain. Cross your fingers that this finally works. We have started the paperwork to apply for a government disability. Believe me, I don' t want to have to sell my house! I will keep you posted :)
There is something I've been wanting to do , as soon as I discovered I had breast cancer. I want to walk in the 'Weekend To End All Women's Cancer'
You can check it out here--> http://www.endcancer.ca
My friend Nicole has already agreed to join my 'team' and walk with me. I'd love to be able to do the two day walk, but 60 km's (37 miles) is I think too ambitious in my first year. I'm still suffering from fatigue so doing the one day walk(32km's-19 miles) is going to be tough enough.
I think I mentioned before that Nicole was going to be moving away, and I've been a bit sad ever since. She's just one of those friends that regardless of how often or how scarce the visits are, we talk and talk and talk. I joked to Sean and said that we' d walk the 32km's without even noticing because we'd be talking so much!! SO...we are going for it. I need to think up a really cool name for our team. All sugestions are welcome!!
so, with that said, I can see LOTS of photo opportunities coming up, as well as LOTS and LOTS of training. Wish me luck..
I have yet another treatment this week...this will be #15 of 18..almost done.
I also have an appointment in April for my first mammogram since surgery and radiation. This is the big one...the one that will confirm that the cancer is gone. I"m pretty confident that it is, but I'll be glad to finally have the results!
Hope all is well in your parts of the world...
Keep Smilin'

Wednesday, February 23, 2011

Free Scrap~tures Scrapbook Kits!!

Do you want one? Of course you do, I mean who wouldn't!

We are looking for people to be guest team members for a month. That's it..no long term commitments. In exchange for a free kit, you need to create with it..simple as that.
Every scrapbook style is welcomed. Each person has their own style and we want to showcase it!
You can choose from either a card kit or a scrapbook kit. Both kits are amazing and contain the latest and greatest of products.
You DO NOT need to become a forum member either. We also understand that not everyone likes to be a part of a forum...that's ok! All we ask is that you have a blog or Facebook so you can post the creations you've made using our kit.
Interested??
What are you waiting for????

Saturday, February 19, 2011

Do you ever get the feeling..

that living a stress free life is just not in the cards?

Sean and I have had a heck of a week...where do I begin...

We went to visit Sean's grandma and Grandpa back in December. They live 2 hours away from us, so it's tough to see them on a regular basis. Sean's grandpa has had prostate cancer for 12 years. We got a call that it had spread, but we didn't know to what degree. His grandparents are 89, so talking on the phone is tough, as his grandma is hard of hearing and his grandpa just doesn't talk much on the phone. We decided to go for a visit. I took my camera , and was determined to get a picture or two. They adore Reece so she of course went with us.
Here are a couple of layouts I did using the pictures I took.
This one is Reece with her Great Grandpa. His face would just light up when she would come through the door.


Here is Reece with both of her grandparents


When we got there, Grandma showed us a piece of paper, outlining the results of the tests Grandpa had just had. His prostate cancer had spread to his liver , and his bones. The doctors hadn't really been checking him and for what reason, we'll never know. When the doctor got the results all he could say was sorry. That's comforting.
We received a phone call on Wednesday evening (February 16th) from Grandma telling us that Grandpa was in the hospital and they weren't sure if he was going to last the night. She told us that he'd been in the hospital since Monday February 7th. We told her we would be there first thing in the morning. We hoped and prayed we'd make it in time to say goodbye.
We arrived at the hospital on Thursday at aprox 10:30am. He was still living so we made ourselves comfortable in his room and began telling and listening to all sorts of stories from both Grandma and their long time friends and neighbours that were also there. He didn't wake up, but then again..they had him so heavily sedated that we knew it was next to impossible for him to. Apparently he had been more alert that morning, not being able to talk but he did smile and responded to some of the things people were saying. He had since been given more meds for pain so was sleeping quite peacefully.
By 8pm that evening, we had talked to a nurse who seemed to think based on the way grandpa was, he'd make it through the night. He was breathing quite well and not laboured at all. We convinced Grandma to go home and get some rest. She too had only managed about 3 hours sleep the night before, fearing the worse. Sean drove her home while I stayed and kept Grandpa company until Sean returned.
Sean returned with some dinner, and we tried to get comfy on a couple of semi-comfortable chairs and settled in for what we knew would be a long night.
Thank goodness for Iphones, we were able to keep ourselves busy by playing games together!
We tried to doze off here and there but couldn't ...knowing what was happening in front of us with one of the most remarkable men either of us has ever known. The chairs were way to uncomfortable to even begin to think we could sleep in so we talked and laughed and watched Grandpa.
At 3am, his breathing changed dramatically and suddenly...I told Sean to get the nurses immediately. He did just that, and when they returned I then told him to call Grandma and get her back here as fast as possible.
Unfortunately we only had about 5 more minutes with him when he took his last breath...peacefully and was gone :(
Grandma didn't make it in time, but she was there soon enough. She was so thankful that Sean and I were with him, and that he wasn't alone.
We stayed with Grandma until shortly after 12 noon, but had to get home. We had been up since Thursday morning at 6:30 am and were both extremely exhausted.
It never seems to matter how much you are prepared, and how much you tell yourself you know this has to happen, and that he's better off because he's no longer in pain..it still hurts the heart.
Sam Kerr was a fascinating man. He'd lived in numerous places ...Bermuda, New York, Scotland just to name a few. He gave Charlton Heston a ride on his motorcycle and golfed with some of the most amazing golfers in the world. He even met the man that invented the television.
Sean is named after this man, which makes him a great man too!
Rest in peace Grandpa...you will be missed <3
Sam Kerr
March 28, 1921 - February 18, 2011

Tuesday, February 15, 2011

Hellooooooo :)

What's up today peeps?
I had a couple of appointments with my son today, so I didn't go to work. I do however have to go the next two days...so that will make up for what I missed today. I have Friday off from my regular job...so unless I head into the mortgage office, I'll have a 4 day long weekend!!
Monday is family day here in Ontario. We don't usually do a whole lot...can't afford to go anywhere or take Reece anywhere...but maybe we'll play some games here.
We have a new appointment with Sean's doctor. Originally they told me April 12. We went to see the intern, asked him for a referral. His answer was that he wanted to wait until Dr. Winfield came back so he could consult with him first. I was so pissed off ...I stormed out of the office. I guess that's what it took, because we got a call the other day saying they've moved our appointment from April 12 to February 22nd...go figure!! And that the intern has put forth a request for a consult with the surgeon we requested.
Hopefully we can get it through this doctors head that although Sean would love to be able to work, it's just not possible. We are cutting it close, but I've got my fingers crossed that we can get something figured out before April!!
I had my treatment last week....only 4 more to go!!!!!!! That means only 4 more Iv's in my hand. Holy moly do they hurt! For some reason my arm veins run and hide when they see the nurses coming, and the veins in my hands are awesome so that's where they go!
I'm still walking on the treadmill, but still not as often as I need to or should be. I am still working on getting myself into a routine. I've been doing 1 1/2 miles each time. The odd time I'll go 2 miles, but I've decided to try and get consistent first, then I'll up the length.
I've lost a little more then 13 lbs so far, so I'm pumped to keep this up. I want to lose a total of 20lbs by March 5...so we'll see. Wish me luck!
Anyhoot...must run, dinner is almost ready and Reece has soccer tonight at 7.
Keep Smilin'

Monday, February 7, 2011

Things Just Keep Getting Better!

Yesterday, Sean came home from the store to tell me the wheel bearing is gone again in our truck. He replaced it (with a used one) in December. We aren't sure (and likely no real way to figure it out) if the one we bought was worn out already (you take your chances with a wrecking yard) or if something in our truck is causing it to happen.
Used = $85.00
New=$350-400
Hmm...easy to see which way we went!
We don't live in town, so having a vehicle is a must where we are. At the moment, Sean and I are both sitting here..wondering what to do next. I have a truck on hold to rent (I have to have 4x4 where I live) at the cost of a little over $100/day.
My mom has offered to pay this as she knows we can't. We're talking likely 3 days. Pretty sad actually...3 days of renting it would be a monthly payment on one if we could afford to buy a new one! She's also thinking that maybe buying us a used vehicle would be better right now..since ours does have so many miles on it. Who knows what will happen...we'll have to wait and see I guess.
Funny...I have certain persons in my life that seem to think I'm rolling in money....I sure wish I was, because being in this situation sucks!!
I am still pulling for 2011 to be a better year. I guess there isn't much else you can do but keep getting back up when you get knocked down..right?
Keep Smilin'

Sunday, February 6, 2011

It's Treatment Week

Time sure flies, seems like I was just there.
I just have 5 more to go...sweeeeeeeeeeet.
Sean also has a doctors appointment this week. It was supposed to be last week but it stormed. The doctors office didn't even open until AFTER his appointment time, but they didn't call to cancel, didn't hear from them period actually. When I called to re-schedule...the appointment they gave us was April. SO, this appointment is with an intern that is covering because our doctor is away on holidays for a couple of weeks. April is the month Sunlife has decided Sean is cured, so we need to do something before then.
We are going to ask this intern for a referral to a surgeon Sean has dealt with in the past. We are hoping that he can shed some light with the insurance company as to the chronic condition Sean has. Cross your fingers, as time is running out!!
Have a wonderful week!
Keep Smilin'

Saturday, February 5, 2011

All Grown Up!

My Son Jesse's first 'new' car.
A 2005 Pontiac Grand Prix.
VERY COOL!!!

His payments aren't bad, but his insurance is nuts!! One year is more then half what he paid for the car. I think insurance companies should give kids ONE chance...and if they screw up, then penalize them. Not every teenager is going to 'make a mistake' when it comes to driving but they all have to pay for it!

Good thing is that his premiums will drop once he gets his full 'G', and when he turns 19, 21, 23 and 25(as long as he behaves LOL)

only 43 days until spring!!!!


Thursday, February 3, 2011

Monday, January 31, 2011

One Month Gone in 2011

How is your year going so far?
Let's see if I can sum mine up for you.
1. I haven't heard from a friend the entire month. Not sure what's up with that.
2. My other friend lost her dog, she's had her for years, so she's very sad :(
3. My daughter is mad at me just because I voiced my opinion. Times sure have changed, I remember my mom giving me her opinion on things, and even if I didn't like them, I never treated her the way kids treat their parents these days. Pretty disheartening.
4. My son moved back into my house. There were extenuating circumstances, but regardless...he's here. He didn't even have a 'room' at his dads, just a bed in a part of the basement that everyone else had access to. I think he's pretty happy he has his room back!
5. Stopped into a friends place on the weekend, and surprised her! Haven't seen her in a year since just after I was diagnosed so that was cool!!
6. The lady I work with doing the mortgages kept a portion of my commissions. It was a deal we did together and we were splitting the commission 50/50. I was really looking forward to the money Friday, as I had bills to pay but was told we didn't get paid for it. Then I found out today, head office screwed up, paid her the entire thing and now I have to wait for the money because she supposedly needed it. I am soooo not impressed. She did send me some of it, but honestly....this woman is supposed to be a professional.
6. I've lost 11.6 lbs this month. How SWEEEEEEEEET is that!! I need to thank my buddy Denise...for helping to keep me motivated and encouranged. There is nothing better then having someone cheer you on! SUCCESS
So...I think that's it. I wonder what February will bring. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA
I'm sure more of the same...some good , some not so good.
Anyone know if you can block people from reading your blog? I think that would be a great feature! Just sayin' ;)
Keep Smilin'

Monday, January 24, 2011

The Winner of the Rak...

for being a new follower on my blog is RUBY M
If you could email me at your mailing address...
I'll get your RAK out to you in the next couple of days.
Thanks to all of you that participated in our blog hop...stay tuned for February 1st, for the winner of the hop!!