Saturday, January 30, 2010

Boo's New Do!!!

Isn't she just gorgeous!!! She got rid of her side bangs and went with straight bangs again. I love it!!

A few things I've done lately

feels good to be scrappin again!!!






Tuesday, January 26, 2010

Layouts as promised

These were challenges at Scrap~tures online crop last weekend. Felt good to get scrappin again!



8 more sleeps...

Until my appointment...I'm not really nervous..at least not yet. I guess I'm optimistic..I've always been a *glass half full* kind of girl. I think we might drive down part way then take the subway the rest of the way. It's only $3.00 per person (one way of course) vs..gas and likely at least $20 for parking. The subway drops us off about a block from the hospital.

I've actually been scrapping...did two layouts over the last couple days...I really should get them posted. Using up stuff I've had forever ...feels pretty good.

OK, I'm off...but I'll be back soon to post the layouts. Reece is at a friends and going to the movies tonight..normally we don't allow *school night* sleepovers but since Tuesdays are half price night at the movies, we decided to let her. It's going to be tough for her over the next few months too...

OH, and for her speech this year she chose Cancer as her topic. It's been good for her, she's researched and found out lots of info!

Have a great evening!

Saturday, January 23, 2010

I think I have the best husband....

which I'm sure you all think you do too....and that's awesome!!!

Just the other day, Sean told me that if I have to have chemo and if I start to lose my hair, he'll shave his head. When I asked him why he'd do that...he said " because you are not going to go through this alone" How ironic that not that many years ago, Sean had hair half way down his back....and now he's willing to get rid of it all...for me!!!

Just 11 more days until my appointment at Princess Margaret..someone asked me today if I was excited..hmmm...excited is not the word..Hopeful is the word I'd use. I am still thinking that I'm going to wake up from this nightmare...I mean...I feel fine..it's so surreal. I have a hard time even saving those words....I HAVE C_____.....I've always thought that if you have it, you are sick..and I feel the same way I did 6 months ago...2 months ago...I feel great! I'm sure that is going to change...but seriously...this isn't really happening...it must be a nightmare that I seem to be living.

Ok, so even though I wish it was a nightmare...it's not...and believe me , not stupid disease is going to be the best of me.....I've always been tough..never letting anyone or anything get the best of me...(you should meet my ex...you'd understand completely LMAO )

Live every day like it's your last...wake up and be the happiest you can be...see the good in everything and everyone!!!

Tuesday, January 19, 2010

Snowy Day...

but we've been lucky...we haven't had very much snow. The trees have been frosted over for the last couple of days, but I kept forgetting my camera :(

So, to finish up the licencing portion to become a mortgage broker I need about $800 dollars for the insurances and licence fees, which I don't have. So I have to postpone the new career indefinitely until I can figure out where i can come up with those funds. If I had lots of money, I wouldn't be changing careers LOL

Sean and I had to go to our hospital after work to pick up my CD's with my tests on it for the specialist. I wish I had the program to look at them...although I'd have no clue what I'm looking at, it would still be cool to look at my MRI, Biopsy and ultrasounds. Just a little over 2 weeks before my appointment!!

Biggest Loser is on tonight, can't wait! Love that show. I really need/want to lose some weight but haven't made that 'commitment' that it requires to accomplish it yet. Soon hopefully!

Have a great evening!

Friday, January 15, 2010

Yeah.......finally some good news!!!

A few posts back, I had mentioned that I was studying to get my mortgage brokers licence. Well.....my exam was booked for the 9th of January, last Saturday. I haven't been able to concentrate on the exam at all...since finding the lump. When we drove to the city for the exam, i couldn't remember half of what I'd studied, or any of the math involved. I was so nervous (never been very good at exams LOL ) but figured I'd give it my best shot. I figured if I failed, I had just cause to fail...

I got home from work tonight, checked my email and there it was..........a CONGRATULATORY LETTER stating I had passed my exam........WOOOOOOHOOOOOOO I'm so excited.

I made this decision because it's looking like Sean won't be going back to work anytime soon. I mean, a crushed vertebrae isn't repairable...so last summer I told him it was time for me to take care of him financially....after all, he's done it for me all these years.

It might take a bit to get it going....now that I've been diagnosed with cancer....but still....it's great to having something finally go our way!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Have a super wonderful weekend!!

Wednesday, January 13, 2010

In Control!!!

I have my appointment with a breast surgeon at Princess Margaret...Dr. Alexandra Easson. It's for February 3rd...she has seen my reports so I have to think waiting 3 weeks isn't a problem. I do have to work on getting my films from my mammogram/ultrasound etc...but that won't be a problem.

When I asked my family doc for a referall to PMH he asked me why? I told him this was pretty major in my life and I wanted a second opinion. His answer.."it's pretty straight forward..well, maybe not for you". The compassion is overwhelming...NOT..i've also been told by two different people , one being a nurse at the hospital that I was first at not to let the original surgeon operate...so i'm really glad I decided to seek a second opinion. Besides, at PMH this is their specialty!!!

Now, with my mind at ease, at least for the time being, i'm hoping I can maybe get some scrappin done...there is a challenge at Scraptures that I really want to get completed!!

have a great day!

Monday, January 11, 2010

A little more at ease....

at least for the time being. I spoke with a friend yesterday who asked "did you get a second opinion". My answer...ummm no. Why didn't we think of that? So as I'm typing this i'm waiting for a call from my doctor so I can get a referrel to Princess Margaret Hospital http://www.uhn.ca/applications/PMH/iNews/default.aspx in Toronto. They are specialists ...they are who I should be seeing, not just a general surgeon...if the outcome is the same, then fine...but I spoke to a nurse friend last night too, and she asked me questions about my diagnosis and I didn't have the answers...which I should have. The surgeon hasn't told me very much, and as much as I guess it's my fault for not asking the right questions maybe....this is all new to me. She also said that when it comes to surgery have it done at PMH because they have the best breast surgeons. That's what they do....so wish me luck!!! Hopefully I can get in quickly to see someone and find more out about what's going to happen!!!

Sunday, January 10, 2010

I mean seriously....

how much can one family take??? Two years ago, Sean and I were a happy family with 3 kids..then all of a sudden....one moves out, because we have rules. OK, teenagers....so I got over that and continued on ...

then 10 months later Sean falls coming off our roof and crushes a vertebrae in his back...it's been over a year and there is no more improvement. He's still getting paid a disability pension which we are grateful for...but it's only 60% of a 40 hours week...so essentially 24 hours pay. He used to work an average of 55 hours a week....so 40 hours plus 15 ours overtime pay. S0 we have managed...very hard mind you financially but we've managed.

Last April my son decided that he was moving to his dads as well...since his sister did it, had no rules to live by...so poof...now he's gone. OK, I couldn't change it so I bit my tongue , didn't say anything ...and have managed to quit enjoy just the three of us in our house. It's peaceful..no kids arguing...so hey, there is always an up side.

I've always tried to say positive...thinking there is always someone worse off then us...the money issue can be hard to take...since we are aprox $46000 short of what we used to make in a year...between Seans job and the child support I used to receive. I decided that I had to do something to make it better, so I began studying to become a licenced mortgage broker. I received the materials in September for a self study course and booked my exam for January 9th 2010. Then BANG....we've been hit yet again...........

On December 9th, I found a lump in my right breast...my whole world sank....I went for numerous tests....and last week...it was confirmed..it's cancer. I met with the surgeon and he's recommending a mastectomy...because of the size of the tumor. WTF...why us...I'm so scared...I can't believe my entire life as it was, and as I had it planned...has been turned completely upside down...the surgeon wanted to operate this Tuesday...but I panicked and put it off until the 19th...i know I'm strong enough to fight this and I know in time I'll be able to accept things...but right now...I have to admit and maybe this is being silly ...i know my life is the most important thing...but how do I ever look at myself again in the mirror, how will I ever get undressed in front of my husband...I know he'll love me no matter what...it's me....I don't know how to deal with the changes that are about to take place....and now...I'm going to be off work too, i have no secondary insurance, i work for my parents....so financially...we are really petrified.......The one big question I have is this.....WHY????????